For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dick very happy bro
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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