btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
