You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My penis needs a shock collar
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
