i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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