She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
