I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
