Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
