R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you would pick up someone in the library
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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