Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
