Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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