So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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