I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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