Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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