I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
