a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
