It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
