he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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