What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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