Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
