What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
