I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
