marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
