So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
