what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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