I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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