ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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