i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize