he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
