turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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