when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
