I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
