Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
