I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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