Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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