Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
