apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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