Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
