Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
