i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
