i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
