Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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