Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
