Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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