Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
