he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
