Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
