If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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