I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
