I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
