respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He? As in you personified your dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
