Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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