i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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