I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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