you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
