ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
