I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
