he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
