I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
