He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize