garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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