Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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