I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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