Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
