Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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