Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
