it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
