At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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