I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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