You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
