i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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